Might want to get that sweet tooth looked at.

Alright, folks.

The full moon came and went, and as I feared, another person went missing. I don’t want to talk about the details, not that I could. So, on to the strange and unusual.

Mr. and Mrs. Reynolds reported their car stolen after parking it outside of The Final Nail Hardware Shop. Security footage revealed a shadowy, ghost-like figure getting into the vehicle and then…nothing. It simply disappeared. There were no witnesses. However, when the car reappeared thirty miles away, covered in slime (of unknown origin), and full of cupcakes, authorities were not sure what to make of the situation. What made it worse was rumors this is the seventh time this has happened in the last six months.

When I spoke with others who weren’t willing to come forward or go on the record, I found that everyone was given twice the worth of their car, but not allowed to get anything back from inside. Not even air fresheners which one resident was oddly attached to.

But, because there’s always a but, someone did slip me an item they pocketed when identifying their car. They showed it to me and it was a declaration that all baked goods are sentient and planning a war against us and that we must prepare for battle. This “ghost” is slowing them down by taking out their elite squads, known as the Cupcake Commandos. Next is apparently, scones.

I’m not sure about you guys, but I’m seriously rethinking my donut obsession…

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