The annual Chili Cook-off

Yesterday was Logansville’s annual chili cook-off. I love going, not because of the food. Never for the food, in fact, but for the entertainment and weird factor. Chili seems to bring out some truly strange behavior.

The usual contenders were there – and as usual, nothing went as planned. The main tent burned down when a misplaced set of napkins caught fire. Out of the eight judges, only three made it to the end. Even with the doubled number of porta-potties, there were still “accidents.”

Carl Schmuacher wowed the crowd with his Rocket Science concoction but was disqualified after judges discovered his secret ingredient of rocket fuel was not a joke.

Melinda Newsom impressed people with her From Scratch mixture but was asked to leave when it several people broke out in a rash due to her secret ingredient, poison ivy.

After a brief rain shower, the contest carried on, more porta-potties were brought in (the mayor having learned his lesson last year).

Gavin Long, last year’s winner, blew the crowd away, literally, with his Blow the House Down recipe. His portable oven blew up. However, judges disqualified him for sabotaging a fellow contestant’s entry. No one knew what he did or to whom, which caused dozens of people to head for the bushes.

Frank Jr. was arrested when an anonymous source pointed the finger at him for trying to kill Gavin Long. He fought the police the entire time, stating he was right in what he did to that “rat,” which then caused a line to form at the porta-potties.

Jennifer Black, a first-time contender, ended up winning with her family recipe of “Enter the Abyss.” The fact no one tried it and the only judge willing to go near it lost sight in one eye for an hour had nothing to do with her winning the other two judges reassured.

The stats for this year’s chili cook-off

Disqualified for improper ingredients – 7

Disqualified for improper behavior (sabotage) – 4

Number of people who needed medical help – 22

Number of insurance claims filed – 13 as of the writing of this post

Always interesting this town.


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